So we all know that break ups are hard. The crying on the floor, wondering what you’re going to do with your life and crazy thoughts are just not cute (have I exposed myself too much here…). But eventually we get over it, realise that the relationship reaaallly was not worth our awesomeness and step out into the brand new, sparkly world that emerges when the post break up fog lifts.
However, our lives have now been so threaded with social media, that a clean break into your brand spanking, new perspective is hard to even limp to for some of us. On a general level, being able to see what your ex is up to at the click of a button is not helpful and can aid really obsessive behaviour that makes it hard to move on.
A study by the British Psychology Society found that 37% of break ups were characterised by post- relationship online animosity. Now that the internet is a given, it is now alot harder to move on with your life and so much easier to prolong bad feelings towards your ex beloved partner.
Case in point, Domo and Crissy.
Their relationship was definitely on the extreme side of the
(made up by me) Social Media Immersion Scale. They were a young, lesbian couple who made money out of posting videos on YouTube. They seemed fun, happy and as though they really cared about one another.
Then they broke up. Honestly, I was a bit shocked as there was no sign of it in the ‘endless love’ ,’ living our best life’ lifestyle they portrayed, but then I remembered Youtube is not real life.In the ‘we’re breaking up’ video they vowed to hold each other down, be best friends, share custody of their child, who is biologically Domos, and that was that. It seemed like a smooth, amicable, respectful break up. In between sobs of ‘Get back together now’ their very devoted fans hailed them as role models in how to break up with decorum.
Until Crissy was exposed by Domo of finding someone else a bit too quickly for her liking. Right on cue Domo’s fans went in. Crissy was sent abusive messages on her social media posts which berated her for having a new relationship.
Domo went further.
Over many videos and posts she said ;Crissy allegedly cheated on her, actually hated the baby they had for the first 8 months of its life, committed the oh so heinous crime of making Domo carry bags whilst pregnant, wanted to go out sometimes instead of being with their baby and oh on top of that, she asserted Crissy’s relationship with her new boo was destined to fail;she gave them 2 years tops.The Jamaican in me winced at somebody putting their mouth negatively on a couple’s relationship and future success.
Crissy tried to deflect it all with zen like twitter posts about karma and God but Domo and her fan’s continued. Video after video, post after post, Crissy was slated by Domo, and her fans took the bait, bombarding Crissy with seething abuse for ever offending Domo.
At the end of all of this social media mess, we have Domo, who definitely seemed to not be in a great place when the relationship ended but had subscribers sending her detailed social media ‘receipts’ of what her ex fiancee was up to. It would have been great if her subscribers stopped sending her screenshots of what her ex was up to and instead asked her how her post break up self care was going.
It’s not all bad for Domo though, at least monetarily. Her choice to post video after video about ‘What really happened’ came with millions of money making views. She also went as far as to make a music video slating her ex, 5 months after they split up, with very uncanny look alikes of Crissy and her new boo.
The music video for her hate anthem got over one million views in 7 hours. 3 days after being released it got 2.5 million views. That is a lot of people that she has managed to spread her allegations and her continuous assertions that her ex is a ‘F****** B****’ to. It was also number 18 in the itunes chart at one point. She’s definitely capitalising on her bad feelings, but also dragging them out.
Worse we have Crissy, a real girl, in her early twenties who seems desperate to move on, have a new relationship and continue making videos but she gets constantly bombarded with death threats and hate on her posts as a result of all that has been claimed about her.
She also says that she suffered a recent break in attempt as a result of all of the defamation.It must be a lot to be constantly attacked. I just hope that she continues to find strength in her faith and support network because online abuse can be devastating.
I can’t even begin to get into the not so small matter of a whole child who they once vowed to share custody of. As their relationship detoriated so did their promise appearing to leave Crissy pining for the little boy that she calls her son.
Honestly, I could go into more detail about their relationship’s downfall, check exactly what was said by whom, provide ‘receipts’ etc etc like lots of Youtubers have been continuously doing, but I frankly don’t want to. The hardened idealist in me just feels saddened that people treat each other so badly, so publicly.
They vowed to leave the bad vibes in 2018 but like a lot of New Years Resolutions, the assertions didn’t last long.
There seems to be no end in sight to the cauldron of abuse and post relationship pain.
Why are people so quick to spew hate on the net? Thinking about 22 year old Crissy makes me think; How do you grow and develop as a person if the internet has a permanent record of who people say you once were?
In the age of social media, should we just keep any signs of our relationships to the real world?
○ CulturalMagpie 2019